Still making stuff. :P

I especially like dishing out "your mom" jokes when people compliment me or my work.

Like,

"Dude, this is awsome."

"Your mom's awesome."




That is all.

Oh, right, there's this, too. :P

Thank goodness for bug butts.

At first she was holding a lantern. Then I was like, "Dude, that's boring. What else glows? Oh! Some bugs' butts glow."

So now Mag is exploring a cave by the light of a bug's butt. Thank you bug. 

This is what happened sometime before I finished the piece. I like it. So now you get to look at it, too!

Oh, right.

I made these, too.

This is the girl from that other post. Her name is Mag. Mag has a sciencigical (magic+science) hoodie that does some pretty cool shiz. I'll tell you about it someday.

This is Mag's mad scientist friend, Professor/Doctor Ceil Karlov. He is the by-accident inventor of her hoodie. The reason he is a hyena is because one day he thought it would be fun. He wasn't wrong. Good thing it's irreversible.

Just Doodlin' 2

You know how sometimes you draw something that sucks, and so you go back and make it worth looking at? 

Yeah.

An honest word or three. Thousand.

You know how in life you meet people, and some of them drift away for one reason or another? Usually it's not because of anything bad, but sometimes for sure it sucks no matter what?

I guess I'm not really talking about one of those.

At least, I hope I'm not...

See, sometimes one of those people becomes your very favorite person ever.

Like, ever.

And no matter how thorough or close your bonds have been with anyone before in your life, that person just tops them all. They fascinate you. They inspire and influence you in the subtlest and most profound of ways.

And it's not that any of the people before were or became any less special or important to you. It's not a bad thing. In fact, I think it's quite good.

See, I have a very favorite person ever.

Like, Ever.

I've known them for a little under a year now. Nobody before them ever appreciated me so completely; played along with me so... reciprocally; enjoyed me not in spite of my quirks, but because of them.

This is a person I didn't know I loved so much until they realized that we were in such different places in life that as things stand, there's no way we could be together and be safe. Sure, we would be incredibly happy, but we're impulsive. Unorganized. We didn't take very good care of ourselves.

And, more importantly, even though we were fantastic at taking care of each other, we didn't push each other upward.

And that's not a contradiction to what I said earlier. Without a doubt she inspired me, taught me.. but one, I don't know how mutual that was, and two, there are more important things than the gradual, steady influence two people who love each other might have on one another.

Life habits are everything. You can be patient; you can be dependable in a pinch; you can be of the kindest of characters, but without the ability to properly care for yourself, without the ability to firmly yet lovingly push your loved one to greater heights, not even the deepest of love can be enough.

Happiness in a relationship is not just enjoyment of the now. It's not the completeness you feel in the company of that special Person. This Happiness is being safe in the faith that you can continue to grow together without end. It's knowing that when you're down, you will be lifted, and that you are willing to be lifted. And vice versa.

If that makes sense.

So when I heard that she didn't know that she could trust me to be the husband and father she might need, it pierced me to the heart and I knew she was right.

I'll be honest. I don't know for sure if she made generalizations (namely, universalizing the weakness so that it applied to both of us) to make me feel better, but at the same time, she was right about herself, too. Pushing me was difficult. We simply weren't strong enough, ourselves, to effectively encourage one another to becoming our very best selves.

And it broke my heart.

And just to clarify, she hadn't broken my heart. I had. I immediately knew precisely what choices I'd made in life that left me ill-prepared for the moment she asked me what I was looking for in a girl; which left me careless and negligent in times where I could have been more than just that reliable friend--where I could have proven myself worthy of her trust.

Hindsight's 20/20, as they say.

But forward is the only direction we can go.

She and I haven't meaningfully spoken in about a month now.

I've missed her friendship like none other.

I made a choice the night she told me these things. Within a week I had landed two jobs. I've since quit the first, but I have what I feel to be legitimate reasons. I began reading my scriptures meaningfully again for the first time in a very long time. I decided that I will not be lazy by leaving dishes in the sink or just tossing my laundry into a pile in the corner of my room. I began going to the temple more regularly. I resolved to begin feeding myself. I began to attend institute. When I found myself plateauing again, I began running each day. I've had to take two sick days since, but hope to get started back up tomorrow.

I'm changing, little by little.. and it's wonderful. I love it.

As things are, I love her too much right now to completely give up on her, on hoping that at some point, maybe I'll have this miraculous third chance, when we've both sorted ourselves out.. But ironically, this can't be for her. This has to be for me and beyond. People are waiting on me. Depending on me. And for a very long time, I've been letting them down. I'm terribly, terribly sorry for that.

But I hope to become the man they--and I--need me to be.

I don't know how long that's going to take. And I ache to think that I may have lost my very favorite person ever to the stars..

I miss her love. Her compassion, her kindness, her dorkiness, her cleverness. I miss how she would have a way to surprise me with something about herself like all the time.

..deep down, I really hope she misses me..

In the end, it's pretty selfish, isn't it.

Just Doodlin'

..I kinda just threw the bg and shading together... :\

Meanwhile, in other news...

..I'm gonna try drawing all the first 151 Pokémon..

I've got Charmander through Wartortle sketched up for scanning, so yeah..

You guys...

...Life is hard.

It's so easy to make bad decisions, and really you have no idea how one small misstep can take you down an entirely different road you never dreamed you'd end up on. It's easy to get depressed, to focus on the negative, to blind yourself to the good. Life is so good. It's so beautiful.. But it's so easy to forget all that. Please, please, please.. Whatever you do, don't give up.. Don't let discouragement and depression take you down. Remember who you are, and who you know you can be at your very best. Remember the good days, the happiness, the blessings, because in times of darkness, you'll be overwhelmingly tempted to believe they barely ever happened at all..

The world is filled with love. It comes from places and people you'd never expect it to, and I'm learning that it's not just about recognizing it when it's there and holding fast to it—It's about being ready for it. Because you don't necessarily have control over whether it stays or leaves. You have control over you—no more, no less. If you're not ready for love, no matter how hopeful or desirous for it you are, it will not be able to long abide with you, and not because it doesn't love you. It cannot abide with you because Love needs Light.

Cherish light. Light is what you should hold fast to. Light invites, entertains, loves Love. Light prepares, changes, molds, builds. Believe in God and His love for you. Let his light become you, and when the time comes that Love knocks, you will be ready, and you won't have to hold on to it, because it won't have any reason to leave. Love seeks light. Be light.

Believe.

Go gettum, Bulbasaur.

Now, use Razor Leaf!!

So Water's pretty fun..

Dinkin' round with waterrrrr

This feels good.

I haven't drawn stuff for way too long.

If I spent as much time drawing as I did gaming...

....I would be famous by now...

I have the coolest fig study class ever.

So I have the coolest figure study class ever. My instructor was/is an associate of Ryan Woodward (the guy who made "Thought of You"), and is a brilliant teacher and friend. Our bi-weekly sketchbook assignments aren't typical things like "go out and draw people for an hour," but engaging and fun challenges/tasks such as "combine Japanese and Victorian fashion" or "Draw a Marvel character. Doesn't matter who." It's refreshing, really, because the assignments create a goal without limitation—we can draw them in any style we want, and the only real rule is to 'make it look good.' 

My class is filled with insanely talented students—many of which I can tell right off are going to get into the animation program (for which the application is coming up mid-May. eep!), and it's SUPER easy to feel discouraged when I can see how easily lines come out of the others' hands, but at the same time, it's encouraging to have a professor who is both optimistic and realistic at the same time. You can tell he cares, and if you're willing to do the work, he's willing to work with you and help you achieve your goals. 

I'll be honest. I feel kind of afraid that I won't be getting into the program this year, but I feel like I'm finally working into a slow but steady(ish) climb: My sketchbook has become vastly different in its execution over the last month or two. I'm not worried at all about my 2D animation, though I've been trying to stay on  top of it lately by spending time in the animation lab making stuff like Toboro, the In-Love Robot. It's simple and there are some volume issues, but I'm quite pleased with it, seeing as I sort of slapped it together in under five hours..

My weakest points at the moment are figure drawing and 3D. It's weird because I have a pretty good grasp on the human anatomy—I guess the difficulty is making good lines quickly and deliberately with permanent medium on large paper.. As for my 3D, well.. I'm getting the hang of it, but I'm gonna need some major awesome going down before May's end..

So. I'm glad I came to BYU. I'm disappointed in myself that I've developed such ill habits of lethargy and procrastination. I signed on to help work on the BYU student film, Bothered, though, and I feel like it's a good chance to set in and grind down on rebuilding some work ethic. I'm pretty excited to be a part of it; the characters are appealing and the idea overall is pretty clever. A story I think I'll enjoy helping to tell.. I'll see just how secret we're supposed to be with it, and if it's cool with the director, I'll post some stuff up here. :)

Anyway. It's 4:30 AM. Another terrible habit of mine. :P

Here's a katana-weilding Elizabethian/Victorian/Japanese/1920s Aristocrat for you:

.

It was fun. :)

Just a Thingummy.

Drew this in my sketchbook a long time ago, actually.

Just thought I'd play with it a bit.

Just some light dreaming..

I feel really artistically stuck right now...... :\

I see what you did there, Brain.

My friend recently changed their profile picture, and I guess I was taken by a case of apophenia and saw an uncannily detailed picture of a girl with a hat.

Love is for All the Times!

Drawing What I Should? Pssshh.

Is a Follow-up, Yes? yes.

Art is Going to Kill Me

Some character design and assets for my illustration class...

Look, Guys, I can Concept Art.

So I found this guy on the Tubes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fx-dfHjwRf8

And I wanted to be cool like him, so I went and tried that technique. It worked out pretty well!

When I finished, though, the colors seemed really kinda dead. I was feeling too lazy (and burned out) to bother using actual colors, so I made an overlay layer and went to town with reds and oranges:

To be honest, I'm not sure which I like more... :P

Anyway. Good exercise. Gonna do more of it.

This here's a color key/storyboard for my Motion Illustration assignment. It's the second part of Dream and Let Dream. Check it out to see where she's coming from! :D

So, um.

..I had this dream last night.. Well. I had a bunch of dreams last night, but in one of them..

I was somehow cloned. But the clones were girls. Twin sisters. It was confusing for me because they were really attractive and had really fun personalities, but I didn't know if I should call them like.. my daughters or something..?

Anyway. I decided I'd draw them. Fun experiment in value painting instead of with colors..

"Rough" is more of a witty, sarcastic, sassy type, while her sister, "Tumble" is more along the sweeter, brighter, cheery side. But they're both really cool.

I don't know where the names Rough and Tumble came from, but I like the sound of it, so. Also they're probably nicknames.

Mystery Chicken

It's stupid.

But I like the colors.

Guys. I think I leveled up..

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo

With my last three pieces I feel like I've, like.. learned something or something.

Which is like.. a really big deal for me. for the longest time I've trudged around in the swamps of mediocrity, and not that I think I'm entirely out of that, I think I can maybe kindasorta see the light at the other end.. I know I have a long way to go, still, but I think what I've learned the most is just how muchpatience plays a part in making satisfying art. Also the value of taking a break from it every now and then and just what having rested well can do for your patience.. It's amazing.






So yeah. :)

Sooooooo art class was happening and I looked out the window and the Provo mountains looked pretty cool, so I started to draw them, but that looked lame all on its own, so I added some castle thing and one thing led to another and it's not really Provo anymore..

I dunno if I like the castle itself, tho. I might revisit this and revamp the architecture, but until then, whatevs. :D

HNNGGG GUYS I DID IT

I've been working on this for AGES. UGH. But I finished it!!

Sadly, I couldn't think of what to put as the background, since their pose is so generic and I couldn't think of anything practical for them to be doing with it (I mean. She's riding his fist. wtf.), so I made it a magazine cover:

THERE ARE SO MANY DETAILS.

Feel free to check them out >>here<< :D Because there are lots, and in some silly ways I feel like this piece is kind of my toe into the world of people who can actually make art.

Sort of.

At any rate, I'm really super duper pleased with it. And sooooo happy it's done. haha..... I might post a WIP process a bit later.... Now: sleep.